Discovering Myself

Well, today I’ve decided I need to streamline all the cables and tech setup in my apartment.  It’s just out of control.  I also need to get rid of some things as well.  I’ve just got too much stuff lying around.  So first thing will be the Living room.

I will make a list of the places that need work.

1. Living Room/Dining Room

2. Kitchen

3. Bathroom

4. Bedroom

5. Laundry Room

6. Balchony

I will make each of these a seperate blog starting with the Living Room.

• Denial and Isolation: The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished pet is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
  • Well, I did this one already. I tried to save the relationship when it all came to a head and I told him to get out. I said that we might be able to date, but he quickly killed that by coming over when I had cooked a great meal for him for dinner completely drunk or high or both. He couldn’t form a coherent thought. That just proved he didn’t want to try.
• Anger: As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased pet. Rationally, we know the animal is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent it for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. The veterinarian who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease, or who performed euthanasia of the pet, might become a convenient target. Health professionals deal with death and dying every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their patients or to those who grieve for them. Do not hesitate to ask your veterinarian to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your pet’s illness. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Discuss the cost of treatment. Discuss burial arrangements. Understand the options available to you. Take your time. Both you and your veterinarian will find that honest and open communication now are an invaluable long-term investment.
  • I think I am actually going through this one now. I really am angry that he would choose alcohol and drugs over me. But that’s what an addict does, so that’s something I don’t need to be angry about, but still… I am.
    
• Bargaining: The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. If only we had sought medical attention sooner. If we got a second opinion from another doctor. If we changed our pet’s diet, maybe it will get well. Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
  • I did this one during our relationship, told him I’d do what he needed so that he didn’t have to drink. But again, this puts the burden of his choices on me and that’s not something I needed to do.
• Depression: Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate. We worry about the cost of treatment and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our pet farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
  • Well, I never knew why I was down all the time, but it was him and his choices. I felt second to his drugs and alcohol and his dipshit friends. Most of his friends are pretty much worthless, can’t hold down jobs, are alcoholics, or in some other way just don’t have their shit together. Again, that’s his choice.
• Acceptance: Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
  • I will get here one day, I’ll accept his fucked up life. I’m not sure I’ll be in it right now, but again he made his choices and they don’t coincide with my life goals at all. Drugs and alcoholism just aren’t something I want to deal with. So we’ll see what the future holds.

I seem to have a knack for picking the most fucked up of the bunch so I’m going to try a lot harder to take things much slower. I do miss him, but I don’t miss the worrying and all that stuff, so it’s a relief and also hard to be alone and to lose something that I spent a long time nurturing. He didn’t do much for our relationship. I realize that now.

I’ve seen this all over!

In large organizations you can’t always “lock down” workstations due to productivity loss and irritating employees that could and will go elsewhere.  It’s surprising how hard it is to implement solutions that will protect corporate and personal data just because they can’t install their little widget that makes little pictures fly across their screen.

Well Symantec decided to reclassify My Web Search Bar as a Downloader which totally screwed my reporting the other day.  We showed like a bazillion infections.

I researched this and found the file to be innocuous.  Symantec’s solution?  To tell me the file was innocuous and to ignore it.

Well anyway, I have to deal with this and other malware in ASIA due to keygens and other shananigans that people don’t realize are on their USB storage or what not. Oh well, at least it keeps me in a job.

I’m currently working on getting the Symantec Endpoint Protection tested and implemented globally.  That’s a huge endeavor on 13,000+ workstations and servers.  I’m a little leary of installing on servers at this point because I don’t know the impact on applications yet.  It does some new funky things and i don’t want anyone yelling at me.

I personally like the product, they’ve fixed many things in the MR2 release.  We’ll see how this whole project pans out.